


Sliding Into Em Dms

by trashmctrash



Category: Alex Rider - Anthony Horowitz, Artemis Fowl - Eoin Colfer
Genre: BS, Future Fic, Gen, Post-Canon, Swearing, au where the people being known by everyone didnt happen cuz i think thats ns, chat fic, okay so. the alex rider thing is very minimal atm and it probs wont?? get a lot, this is a minerva centric fic!!
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-24
Updated: 2018-10-30
Packaged: 2019-06-15 11:07:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,072
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15411555
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/trashmctrash/pseuds/trashmctrash
Summary: Minerva Paradizo, 24 year old certified genius, has the fucking worst best friend in the world. Artemis Fowl II, local bitch and philosophy ass hole, ex-child criminal mastermind and 100% filled with daddy issues. Minerva loved the shit out of him.These are some of their conversations through the Interwebs.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Minnie's personality here is completely fabricated by @mentosmorii on tunglr because shes an icon. Minerva was done dirty in canon and if colfer doesnt show in the new series I Will Sue.
> 
> also as nyall can probs tell this is my first fic since i was 11 and i didnt want to write a chat fic i swear but im bad at writing okay?? give me constructive criticism

April 9th  
**DM with Artemis**  
[3:25] Owlbabey: bitch  
[3:25] Owlbabey: bitch  
[3:26] OwlBabey: bitch

[3:31] Artemis: Minerva it is 3 am why are you texting me.

[3:32] OwlBabey: cuz im awake and bored binch?????????? I know ur awake too tu foole

[3:32] Artemis: How did you know that I would be awake for you to pester me. Most people should be sleeping at this time.

[3:32] OwlBabey: cuz ive known u for like 80000 years u ignorant slut and I know u never sleep :0

[3:33] Artemis: Please stop texting me, I have things I must be doing.

[3:42] OwlBabey: not a bf tho amiright lmaoo

[3:44] Artemis: Minerva I will block you.

[3:44] OwlBabey: u know id just hack m’way bacc (into ur heart)  
[3:44] OwlBabey: (and comp)

**You can no longer send messages to this person.**

April 11th  
**DM with Artemis**  
[13:01] OwlBabey: Artemis You Ignorant Slut  
[13:01] OwlBabey: I Am Back And More Powerful Than Ever  
[13:01] OwlBabey: Bow Before Me You Dumb Humanities Major Bitch

[13:04] Artemis: First of all, stop laughing at me about my personal life choices when you’re attending university for a course you can very easily learn at home.  
Second of all, bitch.

[13:04] OwlBabey: u swore!!!!!!! U did it!!!!!! :”) I’m so pwoud of u my baby bitch

[13:04] Artemis: I am older than you technically.

[13:05] OwlBabey: uhhhhhhhhh just because u were born before me doesn’t mean ur older uwu. I’ve lived like 5 more years than u,,,,,,,

[13:06] Artemis: However, it seems that the extras years you’ve gained on me through my sacrifices to save the world have not, in fact given you more knowledge.

[13:08] OwlBabey: wat do u mean :”((((((((((( im vv smort ùwú

[13:08] Artemis: You type… like that.

[13:09] OwlBabey: it’s the new trend babey, it’s hot and INNNNN  
[13:09] OwlBabey: nah man it’s just because not everyone is a stuckup bitch like u who has like,,,,, capitals and periods

[13:09] Artemis: Punctuation is important Min.

[13:11] OwlBabey: sure

[13:42] OwlBabey: so what’s up at fancy fancy big boi school?????? How’s….. uhhhhhhh existential crisis course going 

[13:42] Artemis: It’s going quite well, despite your negativity tone of voice. I have met several like minded people, none of them are quite as intelligent as you or I but that is quite a high bar.

[13:45] Artemis: I miss you.  
[13:45] Artemis: just a little bit 

[13:45] OwlBabey: awwwwwwww I MISS YOU TOO ARTY  
[13:45] OwlBabey: I’ll come visit soon I promise

[14:00] Artemis: That was Myles, he stole my phone.

[14:01] OwlBabey: aidjsjcjsjd arty u don’t even live at home  
[14:01] OwlBabey: it’s okay to express ur emotions ya know  
[14:02] OwlBabey: I wuv uuuu (platonically no hetero)

[14:06] Artemis: … I care for you very much also.  
[14:06] Artemis: This has been too many emotions, I must leave now.

[14:07] OwlBabey: ill ttyl arty!! <3333 (bitch)

April 14th  
**DM with Artemis**  
[22:31] OwlBabey: ajknckscjas arteyyy immm so,,,, crcujnh,,,,,, hnnnnnsmnn, ,,

[22:48] Artemis: Minerva? Are you alright?

[22:49] OwlBabey: ooooo yeaaa ssssjnask supperr,,,,,, uhhhhhhhhhhhhh

 

[22:49] Artemis: Minerva, are you drunk?

[22:53] OwlBabey: yesssir

[22:53] Artemis: Do you have a ride home? People with you?

[22:59] OwlBabey: hnmsmmmmm oo yea  
[23:00] OwlBabey: artyyyyyyy i juststs sawww,,,,m the mosttt mebbeautiful bperson??????? Shes amaeingng??? Asmcksmcasaks  
[23:00] OwlBabey: she loooked at me im shudying

[23:04] Artemis: … I am heading to bed, stay safe.

April 20th  
**DM with Artemis**  
[4:20] OwlBabey: Oh Yes

[6:30] Artemis: Minerva what- oh. That.

 

[16:20] OwlBabey: BACC AT IT

April 23rd  
**DM with Artemis**  
[15:08] Artemis: Minerva… I may be having what one would call, a crisis.

[15:09] OwlBabey: Please Do Not Tell Me That The World Is Going To End

[15:09] Artemis: No, it’s far worse.  
[15:09] Artemis: I have… a crush.

[15:14] Owlbabey: AHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

[15:14] Artemis: Shut up or I won’t say more.

Owlbabey: im Sowwy pwease go for it

[15:16] Artemis: So…. I loath to say it but. I seem to have contracted feelings for someone I barely know.  
[15:16] Artemis: It is utterly irrational please never bring it up again.

[15:16] Owlbabey: nooooooo what’s he like!!!

[15: 17] Artemis: I refuse to talk more about this, I met him in class and I’ve talked to him about twice, it’s just a passing infatuation.

[15:17] Owlbabey: okie… what ever u say arty

[23:01] Owlbabey: artyyyyyyyyy :)))))c good idea time!!!

[23:01] Artemis: Oh no.

[23:01] Owlbabey: come onnnn hear me out!!!! It’s….. oh vv good 

[23:03] Artemis: This is the most afraid I’ve been since I died.

[23:03] Owlbabey: lets make!!!! Dating!! Profiles!!! OWO

[23:04] Artemis: I would rather die for a third time.

[23:05] OwlBabey: arty  
[23:05] OwlBabey: arty  
[23:05] OwlBabey: arty  
[23:05] OwlBabey: arty  
[23:06] OwlBabey: Bitch  
[23:06] OwlBabey: coward.

April 24th  
**DM with Artemis**  
[1:02] Artemis: im super drunk rn  
[1:02] Artemis: the walls are shaking  
[1:02] Artemis: i wish u were here to see this minnie

April 23rd  
**DM with #1 Dad**  
[1:02] OwlBabey: hey man can u check on arty plz, hes?? Like super drunk rn and im kinda worried

[1:02] #1 Dad: I’m going to check on him right now  
[1:02} #1 Dad: thanks minerva

[1:04] OwlBabey: no probs dad

 

April 25th  
**DM with Artemis**  
[9:02] Artemis: I’m sorry for the scare Minerva, I didn’t mean to become that intoxicated. 

[9:03] OwlBabey: its fine arty  
[9:03] OwlBabey: just dont do it again please  
[9:03] OwlBabey: u can talk me to u know that right??

[9:05] OwlBabey: artemis?  
[9:05] OwlBabey: im sorry, its fine if u dont wanna talk

[10:20] Artemis: Sorry I was out with Butler, I know I can talk with you Minerva. I’m fine, I was just… feeling rebellious I suppose. Thank you for your concern, I am also here for you if you need someone.

[10:20] OwlBabey: !! :”))) thnks arty,,, ackscajs sorry i was just really wprried

[10:21] Artemis: It’s okay Minerva, as you would send. <3

[10:22] OwlBabey: adjcasjhcskj <33333333 I LOVE YOU TOO ARTYYYYY  
[10:22] OwlBabey: btw now i am legally allowed to mock u for getting buckwild drunk :))

[10:22] Artemis: I would expect nothing less.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the plot thickens

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wassup its cha boi bacc at it again, one of the characters in this is from alex rider and like literally 2 people ship this rare ship maybe but here i am making yall read it anyways (im sorry) also dw this fic is still going to very minerva centred because?? i love her with all my heart

May 1st  
 **DM with Artemis**  
[12:02] Artemis: I’m only messaging you this so you stop incessantly asking, the boy I had a brief ‘crush’ on has moved. He is no longer attending my university.

[13:09] OwlBabey: DD:   
[13:09] OwlBabey: that sucks arty.. Im sorry man

[13:10] Artemis: It’s fine, I didn’t even really know him.

[13:10] OwlBabey: still tho :((( imma call u so u can cry into my shoulder ;w;

May 1st  
 **DM with Captain’ Crunch**  
[12:02] Artemis: Holly, I think one of my former classmates was a government agent. 

[12:02] Captain’ Crunch: arty wtf

[12:02] Artemis: He only attended class for a brief period of time and then mysteriously dropped out. A few days before he dropped out a high profile arrest was made of a famous crime lord whose child attended the course the former student, and suspected agent, was taking. 

[12:04] Captain’ Crunch: ….. Arty….. Wtf…..

[12:04] Artemis: Put Foaly on, I need a favour.

[12:04] Captain’ Crunch: just message him urself????????

[12:05] Artemis: I still have him blocked from the last time.

[12:05] Captain’ Crunch: oh,,,, yea,,, the Incident  
[12:05] Captain’ Crunch: also please dont use him to commit crimes

May 1st  
 **DM with The ORBMASTER**  
[12:10] The ORBMASTER: heard u need a favour mud boy :)c

[12:11] Artemis: You are correct in me requiring a favour but also, what the fuck is that.

[12:11] The ORBMASTER: its an emoticon :)c it’s cool and hip lily told me

[12:11] Artemis: … okay. That aside, I’m sure you already know what I am here to ask, I need you to find the identity of someone.

[12:12] The ORBMASTER: ughhhhhhh why can’t u ask mud girl????? She can do this just as well as I can

[12:12] Artemis: I cannot ask Minerva because I know she will mock me and tell me that I am only concerned in this matter because I had a fleeting ‘crush’ on the subject we are discussing.  
[12:12] Artemis: I can see you typing Foaly, if you don’t delete whatever it was you were about to send I will inform your wife about your late night cereal related activities.

[12:13] The ORBMASTER: this is blackmail?????????????

[12:13] Artemis: Yes.

[12:13] The ORBMASTER: fineeeee I’ll spy on lover boy for u but only because I want the drama

[12:13] Artemis: I’m glad to see that we have come to a grudging agreement. Email me whatever you find.

**The ORBMASTER has changed their name to NOT YOUR FUCKING PERSONAL SERVANT**

[12:15] Artemis: You kind of are though.

**You can no longer send messages to this person.**

May 1st   
**DM with 4 Nipples**  
[16:09] 4 Nipples: I got ur shit mud boy

[16:09] Artemis: I refuse to talk with you like this actually.

**You can no longer send messages to this person.**

May 1st  
 **DM with Captain’ Crunch**  
[17:21] Captain’ Crunch: wassup this is foaly i stole short’s comp  
[17:21] Captain’ Crunch: i got ur shit

[17:43] Captain’ Crunch: mud boy???

[17:59] Captain’ Crunch: damn guess ur dead  
[18:00] Captain’ Crunch: again

May 1st  
 **DM with Alex**  
[14:23] Alex: hey! Youre artemis from our Philosophy of mind course yeah? This is alex :) the blonde dude who sat like a row away from u!  
[14:23] Alex: sorry for messaging you out of the blue but u left ur contacts on the uhh tutor form thing and ur the only person i even kinda knew :D

[14:25] Artemis: Oh, yes. This is Artemis from the Philosophy class.

[14:25] Alex: cool cool!! Akajkcnkas i just need a favour :c I lost my hat in the classroom and ive dropped out already so i cant go back and get it, if u can grab it and ship it to me or smth i would really apprecaite it  
[14:25] Alex: i would pay for shipping and shit

[14:26] Artemis: Of course, I can get it the next time I go to class. I can pay for shipping, it’s really no problem.

[14:27] Alex: !! cool thanks m8 you really saved my ass haha  
[14:27] Alex: its a very improtant hat to me

[14:27] Artemis: No problem.

May 1st  
 **DM with Captain’ Crunch**  
[14:27] Artemis: Foaly give Holly her computer back.

[14:29] Captain’ Crunch: why???

[14:29] Artemis: Just do it donkey boy.

[14:29] Captain’ Crunch: i will have u know thats very hurtful!!

[14:30] Artemis: Foaly.

[14:30] Captain’ Crunch: fine!!!  
[14:30] Captain’ Crunch: waddap this is captain holly short of the LEP

[14:30] Artemis: Confirm that it’s really you.

[14:31] Captain’ Crunch: uhhhh we kissed once

[14:31] Artemis: Okay it is you.  
[14:31] Artemis: I’m having a fucking crisis Holly.  
[14:31] Artemis: I’m going to die.

[14:31] Captain’ Crunch: oh worm??? Is this a “the world is ending and were all gonna fucking die” crisis or an “artemis is a dramatic shit” crisis

[14:32] Artemis: That’s what Minerva said as well earlier on, why can’t I be having a crisis that isn’t related to the apocalypse that also isn’t a pure fabrication of my mind?

[14:32] Captain’ Crunch: because ur a dramatic piece of shit arty???

[14:38] Captain’ Crunch: :((( sorry,,,, please tell me the tea

[14:38] Artemis: You have to promise me that you will not mock me for this.

[14:38] Captain’ Crunch: i swear this with everything magical under the earth

[14:41] Artemis: Okay so the situation is as follows. I have a crush on this guy in my class whom I suspect to be a government agent I previously mentioned. Said guy just messaged me about losing his hat in the classroom and I agreed to send it to him. I said “no problem” to end our conversation, Holly what the fuck am I supposed to do.

[14:42] Captain’ Crunch: .  
[14:42] Captain’ Crunch: .  
[14:42] Captain’ Crunch: .  
[14:42] Captain’ Crunch: .  
[14:42] Captain’ Crunch: I am not going to laugh at you

[14:43] Artemis: You’re losing your mind laughing aren’t you.

[14:43] Captain’ Crunch: y u p

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Im gonna be in China for the next month so yall can either expect   
> 1) more than usual content because of the boredom or  
> 2) absolute nothing


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey,,,,, i know this is late,,,,, also very short,,,,,, sorry,,,,,, but! actual writing next chapter??? maybe???? **im trying my best please**

May 1st  
**Group Chat with: The Jade Princess, OwlBabey and Holy Shit**  
**WLW dumbass support group**  
[14:43] Holy Shit: hey kids  
[14:43] Holy Shit: guess what THE FUCK IS UP

[14:44] The Jade Princess: spill the tea holly

[14:44] Holy Shit: arty  
[14:44] Holy Shit: has  
[14:44] Holy Shit: a  
[14:44] Holy Shit: crush

[14:45] Owlbabey: *slams in* wait is this the same guy he told me about before

[14:45] Holy Shit: the one in his univeristy class thing?? Because if so yea

[14:45] OwlBabey: isjfjdgjrjfj THAT BITCH!!!! HE TOLD ME HE WS OVER HIM

[14:45] The Jade Princess: OOOOOOOOOOOO  
[14:45] The Jade Princess: LITTLE SHIT DIDNT FUCKING TELL ME AT ALL WTF  
[14:45] The Jade Princess: brb gonna go commit homicide 

[14:46] OwlBabey: !!!!!!!!!! Wow can u believe our boy???? In love?????? Smh 

[14:46] Holy Shit: :”))) yeah I’m so proud of him 

[14:46] OwlBabey: absolute bitch baby :’))

May 1st  
**DM with Artemis**  
[14:45] The Jade Princess: bitch. You absoluet fuckimg bastard of a rat  
The Jade Princess: how dare you not tell me about your crush you fucking coward  
The Jade Princess: im basically your older sister!!! I should be privy to this innformation!! I am coming over to whoop ur ass

[14:46] Artemis: … who spilled

[14:46] The Jade Princess: both holly and minny knew!!!! Before I did!!!! 

[14:46] Artemis: …

[14:46] The Jade Princess: Im gonna come and hang u by ur ankles!!! How dare you!!!  
The Jade Princess: also expect an unholy amount of teasing 

[14:46] Artemis: That’s why I didn’t want to tell you…

[14:47] The Jade Princess: >:((( too late fuckard  
The Jade Princess: so,,,,, ;))) tell me about mystery man

[14:47] Artemis: There’s no mystery man jules, he was in my psychology class for like half a semester and we talked approximately 3 times. Also, I’m pretty sure he’s a spy for MI6.

[14:47] The Jade Princess: ….. But~~~~~~???

[14:47] Artemis: … there is no but. 

[14:47] The Jade Princess: hmmmmm???? ;))) (((((;

[14:47] Artemis: No.  
[14:47] Artemis: Wait, be right back.

[14:47] The Jade Princess: OwO???

May 1st  
**DM with OwlBabey**  
[15:01] Artemis: Hey Minerva, can you do me a quick favour. 

[15:01] OwlBabey: hmmmm?? You have com looking for a…. Deal????

[15:01] Artemis: …

[15:01] OwlBabey: okay what is it spill :3cccc

[15:01] Artemis: Can you help me make a social media account.

[15:02] OwlBabey: what is this????? The artemis fowl jr??? Joining humanity??? :0000

[15:02] Artemis: {screenshot}

[14:47] Alex: hey!! Was just wndering if u had a ig or smth? :) 

[15:03] OwlBabey: OWOWOWO  
[15:03] OwlBabey: wait. What did u reply

[15:03] Artemis: Nothing yet....  
[15:03] Artemis: I’m pretty sure he’s trying to probe a little more into the Fowl family now that he has an in, I need help making a convincing account that leaks no serious information about myself or my family.

[15:03] OwlBabey: uh huh, sure 

[15:03] Artemis: I’m telling the truth!

[15:03] OwlBabey: ;)))) yeah i gottu

[15:04] Artemis: Anyways, are you going to help or not.

[15:04] OwlBabey: oh yeah defo!!!! Cant miss my chance of u finding a bf after all this time  
[15:04] OwlBabey: ill help u make one once i get to ur place!!

[15:04] Artemis: Wait, what?

[15:05] OwlBabey: im coming to see u bitch baby

[15:05] Artemis: Why was I not informed of this before?

[15:05] OwlBabey: :3cccccc  
[15:06] OwlBabey: oh also come picc me up bastard

[15:06] Artemis: I can’t drive.

[15:06] OwlBabey: …………. Ill call an uber and take my chances  
[15:06] OwlBabey: cant wait to hear about mystery boi in person!!!!

[15:06] Artemis: You will not be, outside of professional matters.

[15:06] OwlBabey: X Doubt.mpreg

[15:06] Artemis: Fuck off.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is the one in which there are words in paragraphs that i have written. im so fucking sorry yall. Its not long because uhhhhhh cant write for shit but im trying
> 
> thanks to @zigostia tho for editing, even tho u called my out about my run on sentences

May 1st

Minerva stretches, her back cracking like a fresh bowl of rice krispies. Planes were the worst, she decides. She grabs her carry on from the overhead cubby and follows the stream of tired, annoyed bodies out into the airport terminal. Minerva pulls her phone from her pocket and sends a few quick texts to Artemis, smiling as she does. It would nice to see him again, without the constant threat of world destruction hanging over their heads. Ah, to be a normal college teen! Her phone pings and Minerva focuses back down on the screen. 

**DM with Holy Shit**  
[15:07] Holy Shit: hey, youve landed?

[15:07] OwlBabey: yeeeeeeeeee god, human aircrafts are,,,,, so fucking bad i hate humanity rn

[15:07] Holy Shit: arent you like, super rich?? You dont need to fly with the crowds

[15:07] OwlBabey: im trying to live my life as a normal teen!!!! Im trying my best to be a cool new man!! 

[15:07] Holy Shit: …. K

[15:07] OwlBabey: dont shame me holly, we have to band toegther to Fuck Arty Up

[15:08] Holy Shit: i thought we were trying to help him  
[15:08] Holy Shit: but hell yeah  
[15:08] Holy Shit: tease him none stop for me, i wont be able to come above ground for abit, fuck desk dutyyyyyy

[15:09] OwlBabey: bien sur ma amie ;)))))

Yup! Just a regular conversation, with a regular friend, like regular teens do. Just because she loves the supernatural and the world she’s found doesn’t mean she needs it to interfere with her daily life. Saving the world is a whole separate matter from oh, you know, hacking into the US government to make sure they’re keeping good enough tabs on dangerous people. Normal. Teen. Things. 

She weighs the pros and cons of calling an uber. On one hand? Easy and simple to do, on the other? Minerva does happen to be a dark-skinned girl. She shakes her head a little and pats the mini taser she’s built on her wrist. If someone tried to attack her they’d be in for a nasty surprise. She smiles a little: maybe she’ll get to test the taser at full strength today. Having decided, she calls an Uber and sits in the terminal lobby to wait. God, she knows that Artemis is a useless gay but is it really that hard to learn how to drive? He can fly a fucking airplane for dick’s sake! She sure hopes Mystery Love Interest knows literally any basic life skills, because Arty sure doesn’t. The image of a mangled, badly burnt meal shows up in Minerva’s mind; she shivers and thanks the heavens that Artemis gave up on cooking after the 17th failed attempt. She loves him really, but no amount of love can make up for his glaring flaws as a human being who has to live on earth.

Minerva’s uber arrives in what feels like hours, but were probably minutes; patience is not one of her virtues, although she would argue that all her other accomplishments more than made up for it. She politely refuses the help of the driver and lugs her suitcase into the car by herself, just because they might be a creepy murderer doesn’t excuse being a shitty person. 

“First time to England Miss?” the driver asks as they both get in the car.

“Nah, been here a couple of times. I used to visit Ireland a lot so by extension I was also in England plenty.” Minerva replies, the memories of her visits aren’t happy ones. Both periods during which she visited were.... Well, when Artemis was ‘dead’, that dramatic bastard. She seems to have taken the one topic the driver and her had in common however and the car is silent for the rest of the ride. As they drive, Minerva rubs at the straps of her taser-watch and watches the road signs just to make sure. The driver didn’t seem like a bad person but hey, better safe than sorry. 

Her worries are for nought though, the car drops her off in front of Artemis’ student housing place and leaves without killing and skinning Minerva. Not the car, the driver. God, Minerva thinks, how would a car skin you? After a few seconds of indulging herself in that thought, she pulls out her phone.

**DM with Artemis**

[15:46] OwlBabey: guessssss whos here bitches!!! Its cha boy, your favourite!!!!! MINERVA PARADIZO!!!

[15:46] Artemis: So the news of your arrival was not, in fact a fever dream as I had foolishly hoped.

[15:46] OwlBabey: god u get drunk once and u think ur having a fever dream all the time  
[15:47] OwlBabey: wait, ARTEMIS FOWL JUNIOR HAVE YOU BEEN DRINKING MORE YOUNG MAN

[15:47] Artemis: No. I was making a joke on how absurd it was for you to come visit without my knowledge.

[15:47] OwlBabey: WNKCDKCNASKJ i was joking bitch boy

[15:47] Artemis: As was I, bitch boy.  
[15:47] Artemis: I’m here by the way.

That last text is a little redundant as Minerva could see him walking down the steps. He’s gotten a little more casual in university, probably because he’d get beat up if he wore a full suit on campus. Artemis Fowl Junior was dressed in a button down shirt and dress pants, like the little bitch he is, Minerva could cry, she’s missed him even though they actually talked more over text than they have ever had face to face.

“Arty!!!!!” she yells as she runs towards him and tackles him, just a little. Unfortunately, she overestimated how strong Artemis was and they both crash to the floor. On the steps. Which means that they also suffer a few bumps as they roll down the stairs.

“Fuck!” Artemis exclaims and rubs his head a little, his shirt has a little dirt on it and his styled hair is messed up. “Minerva, why would you do that!”

“I’m a certified dumbass?? Also I’ve missed you. Also you’re weaker than I expected.” Minerva is a little out of breathe from laughing, half at the sight of Artemis and half at the ridiculousness of the situation. 

Artemis mock glares at her, at least Minerva hopes it’s mock. One can never really tell with Artemis. He sighs, “Let’s go in, I’d rather not look so unpresentable in front of… Other people.” He gingerly picks himself off of the ground and looks at Minerva expectantly. 

“What, not gonna help me?” Minerva teases as she gets up and pats herself down, “This is why you don’t have a love life Arty, not a drop of romanticism in you.” She makes an exaggerated sad face and shakes her head. 

Artemis glares at her a little more, “You made us fall in the first place! Also I’m not trying to woo _you_.” He huffs a little, it’s… adorable. If Minerva liked guys she might just be a little in love with Artemis. Too bad she’s a lesbian and Artemis is gay, they would’ve made little conquerors of the world together. 

Wait… Minerva processes that sentence again, “ _You???_ Who are you trying to woo!! Oh!!!! It’s Mystery Guy yain’t it!” She grins, “God Artemis, you could’ve just asked me for love advice.” 

He abruptly turns and walks towards the building, “I’m not even going to give that a reply, come on I’m going to leave you behind.”

With the air of someone who knows they’ve won, Minerva just keeps grinning and follows Artemis, “Sure.”


End file.
